Nothing Left to Find
by MataAshita13
Summary: The twins attempt to break another girl's heart and expose her shallow interest in them for what it really is. But what if it's different with this girl? Takes place before anime begins and strictly a hypothetical situation.


Summary: The twins attempt to break another girl's heart and expose her shallow interest in them for what it really is. But what if it's different with this girl?

The twins in their final year of middle school, at the beginning of their time in the Host Club.

Rated: G

Characters: Hikaru Hitachiin, Kaoru Hitachiin, Kei Rakudo

They say old habits die hard. Tamaki-senpai had told us to stop being rude to the girls who wrote one of us a love letter… but we felt they deserved getting their little hearts broken. They never looked at us as individuals, only seeing a pair of twins, never Hikaru and Kaoru.

It was the same every time. Whichever one of us the letter was addressed to would do all the talking. This time it was Hikaru's turn. I stood quietly behind the bushes as he came to the rendezvous point with the latest letter in his hands.

"I'm sorry," he said, trying to sound like me. "Were you waiting long?"

"Huh?" the girl said, probably surprised he actually showed up.

"I read your letter."

"Hikaru," she said, almost hopeful.

"I'm really sorry, but I am Kaoru," he lied. The girl gasped. "You must have gotten my desk confused with Hikaru's and put your letter in the wrong one." I could hear the girl begin to cry and smirked. She was getting what she deserved. Hikaru pocketed the letter. "Do you think that you could like me instead? I must confess, to be honest, I always thought that you were really cute. And besides, Hikaru has a crush on someone else. So, what do you say?" Here it comes, I thought. Something somewhere in the back of my heart tingled with hope that maybe she'd be different.

"Well… well, uh… I guess… if you're okay with it then I am too, Kaoru," she said. My heart cringed a little as it numbed to the disappointment.

"I see," Hikaru said. "Then, hey Kaoru! She says she'd be fine with you instead." I slowly walked into the open, smirking at the girl. She looked shocked.

"So wait," she said. "You _are_ Hikaru?"

"This is getting old," Hikaru said. "You girls just keep falling for it."

"You jerk!" she yelled. "Why are you so mean?" Hikaru growled.

"No, you're the one who's mean," he said. "You'd be okay with either of us? Really? Who do you think you are?"

"By the way," I said, coming into step next to Hikaru. "That hairstyle doesn't look so great on you. If you want to go out with us, you should work on your fashion sense." We spoke in unison.

"And next time you write a love letter, make it good." And Hikaru proceeded to rip the letter into shreds. We walked away laughing, leaving the girl in tears on the sidewalk.

As soon as we were out of her earshot, we both stopped laughing and our faces fell.

"Same as always," I said.

"Well, I did see this one girl keeping her eye on you this term," Hikaru said. "She never looked at me like she does you. It's only a matter of time before she racks up enough guts to write you a letter."

"Which girl?" I asked, getting bored.

"That new girl, Kei Rakudo," Hikaru said. I struggled in my memory to put a face with the name. "Long, wavy brown hair, bright green eyes, glasses…"

"Oh, her," I said, picturing her freckled and flushed face in my mind. "She's so… plain."

"I know," Hikaru said. "I'm just saying, she's one we'll definitely have to watch out for. I've seen her in class, and she spaces out and doodles on her notes all the time. I'm thinking a little self-examination on her part is just what she needs to come back to reality." We smirked and awaited the next letter.

It came.

The letter from Kei Rakudo; it came. I should have known from the letter itself that she was different. She didn't confess undying love. She requested spending time together and getting to know each other. Hikaru noted that she was probably perceptive enough to know how we parted our hair, so we switched today, specifically for this occasion. Sometimes I think we get too much pleasure from these girls' misfortune.

"Kaoru," Hikaru said, nudging my knee. "Looks like she's here."

We headed down to meet her, Hikaru hiding behind the bushes.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," I said, mimicking Hikaru's voice. She'd been spacing out, like Hikaru'd described. Her eyes snapped back to attention and looked into mine. Another difference; girls hardly ever looked us in the eye.

"Kaoru?" she asked almost hesitantly, like she wanted to be sure she had the right twin.

"I got your letter," I said, holding it up. "I'm sorry, but I'm Hikaru. You must have gotten the wrong desk." Her eyebrows furrowed.

"I was sure I put it in Kaoru's desk," she said. "Maybe I wasn't paying attention when I did it. I'm sorry."

"It's not a problem," I said.

"Are you feeling all right today, Hikaru?" she asked before I could continue our script. I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're acting a little different than you normally do," she said. "I can't quite place my finger on it. I'm sorry. You were going to say something?"

Back to the script. I leaned forward. "Do you think you could like me instead?" She looked at me with shocked eyes. "To be honest, I've always thought you were kind of cute. And besides, Kaoru has a crush on someone else."

At that, she looked at the pavement. I waited anxiously.

"So what do you say?" I prompted, not wanting to waste my time.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't think so." I almost gasped.

"Why not?" I asked hurriedly.

"It's not the same," she whimpered, tears falling down her cheeks. "You're not the same, no matter how much it seems that way."

"Kaoru."

I hadn't noticed Hikaru approaching us. Kei's head snapped up.

"I knew it!" she yelled. "I knew there was something off! You're really Kaoru!"

"How can you tell us apart?" we chorused. "No one can."

"Well, I—I watch you," she stuttered. "Your mannerisms are different, the way you talk is different…. Your voices are different, even."

We couldn't speak for a moment. This girl had done a better job of the Which One Is Hikaru Game than Tamaki-senpai.

"I—I'm sorry for wasting your time," she said and began to leave. "It's obvious you don't want anything to do with me, Kaoru. I'll be going now."

"Kei!"

Seemingly of its own accord, my hand flew out and grabbed her wrist before she got away.

"No," I said. "You're different than the others. I want to let you in. I want to know you."

"Are you sure?" she asked, a flicker of a smile shining in her eyes; her bright green eyes.

"Yes," I said with conviction.

"Well, when I first came to Ouran, I saw you two playing that game with everyone," Kei said. "I was determined that I would win that game when you would happen to ask me. So I observed you; studied you. Over time, I began to want to know you specifically a little more. I feel like you're this great mystery that I have to solve."

"I'm glad you are," I said. "Solving the mystery, I mean." We were in our favorite spot: a little gazebo on the school grounds surrounded by rose bushes and hidden from view. We could hear the pond in the distance and the scent and the breeze were relaxing. I was really beginning to like Kei as maybe more than a close friend and I wanted to see if she was okay with starting a relationship.

I gently took her hand and she smiled up at me.

I didn't know what the heck I was supposed to do. Scream "be my girlfriend" at the top of my lungs? That didn't sound very smart. Eventually, my jitters got the best of me and I moved on impulse, kissing her squarely on the lips.

It wasn't passionate, but it wasn't shy either. I hesitated to move, but faltered only a moment before I began to gently knead her lips with my own. And she wasn't protesting! I wasn't about to take that as a silent affirmation, though.

Sure enough, once I started to go faster, it was almost like she came back to reality. She gasped and leaned away. I didn't try to follow, just sitting there with my mouth slightly open and my breathing difficult.

"I—"

"You don't want that," I concluded and sat back up straight. "I get it."

"No!" she said and leaned a little closer, squeezing my hand. "That's not it at all. I do want that, very much. But there's something I have to tell you and that will explain why we shouldn't." What now?

"And?"

"I'm moving away this summer," she said. My eyes widened. She was leaving. "My dad got a transfer to America and we're moving there in July."

"You're going all the way across the ocean?" I nearly screamed. "You're leaving me alone?"

"You have Hikaru," she tried to reason. "And it's not like I'm dropping off the planet. We can keep in touch."

"Well maybe I don't want to keep in touch!" I yelled, letting my anger boil over. "Maybe you're just running out on us like that maid! She was the only person we liked and she stole from our family and ditched us!" I stopped when I saw a tear fall down her cheek.

"You don't mean that," she said. "I know you don't. You're resorting to the old 'it's easier to say goodbye to someone you hate rather than someone you love' spiel. And while that may be true, it will haunt you for the rest of your life."

And with that, she stood and left.

I did eventually apologize to Kei, before she left. She even let me kiss her one more time, saying it was my last chance. The one thing I don't want to ever forget is what she said to me the last time I saw her.

"Someday, Kaoru, someone like me will come along and see you for who you really are. And you'll be able to have an actual lasting relationship with that person. Just don't lose sight of your individual self, or there will be nothing left of you to find."


End file.
